I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
