I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
