Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
