TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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