She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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