the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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