I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
