Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
