thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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