There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
