so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
