Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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