well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
