I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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