I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
