i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
