I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
