My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
