i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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