It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
