OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
