Kiss
Puke
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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