You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize