OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize