as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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