just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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