i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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