I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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