Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
