its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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