dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
