This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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