I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
