The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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