Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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