Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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