Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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