i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
