NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
