Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
