She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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