Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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