I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
