It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
