so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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