Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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