Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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