The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
