I wish I could punch you in the face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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