Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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