She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
