I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize