vagina is talking i cant
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
