your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
