she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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