ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
