question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
40s are totally the cure
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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