My liver just broke up with me...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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