I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
