so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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