By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
