Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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