Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
