pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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