I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
