does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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