he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
