Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
