Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
