hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
